#63

Hey there, the person in the mirror.

It has been a while since we had a moment for each other.

I've been doing ok.

Yeah, those thoughts are still there but you know what, it kind of muffles now.

Am I enjoying life? Why not?

I'm not happy, but I can pretend like I have always been happy. You know..the usual drill.

Why? Hah! Coming from a person who's stuck in the mirror asking me that, it's funny.

It's these ghosts from the past.

#62

"Everyone I know, goes away in the end."

That's what they said, and that's what I am feeling right now. The world turn its back on me. Those that I considered friends, kind of abandoned me. Was I just a temporary person that they can use and just dispose of when they are done having fun? Or maybe I was not so good of a person? Maybe I am always going to be left by all the people that I care. Maybe it always been my fault. Whatever that I have done that made them hold grudges against me, maybe I deserved such?

Maybe the person that once told me that everything and everyone is just temporary and you'll never be always with them, is right. I guess I am one of those people that no one would bother if I am gone. It makes me so hard to accept new people. Like it is better to just close the door, lock it, and throw away the keys.

I have lost, am I never to be found? I feel the days are grey and the nights are just too long. Sometimes my eyes blurred out in the middle of the night, and I'd feel sleepy all day, and my mind would wander all over the world of thoughts I am having, I'd get bored easily and nothing seems that interesting anymore.

#61: idk

Ya Allah,
I need to find solace.

I am tired.

Of what?

I am not even sure, and that is exactly the problem.

This nothingness and emptiness burdens my soul.

It is hard to feel happy, it is unnecessary to feel sad. And most of the time, I cannot describe my feelings. It is like my heart is stuck in what seems like a yo-yo situation, I am happy and sad both at the same time.

I do not want bother anyone about me. They have their own struggles they have to face and I should be the last thing to be on their mind.

I am okay living in this constant...
idk

#60

"Terdiri aku daripada cebisan-cebisan memori
Seringkali aku terhilang separuhnya
Datang dan pergi mengikut masa
Puncanya buah buah fikiran yang tiada henti
Menyuntik keraguan dalam diri ini"

"Kau, yang menjadi alam aku
Tanpa kau aku seperti buta tercari haru
Wujud kau seperti pelangi
Muncul selepas aku berhujan di hati
Seribu definisi tidak akan adili perasaan aku."

#59

Aku lihat dunia itu hancur di depan mata aku. Pecah menjadi ribuan serpihan kaca yang dalam tiap-tiapnya ada pantulan wajah-wajah yang aku kenal. Akhirnya aku pun retak berserpih jatuh ke dalam alam lain. Alam gelap yang tiada dasar.

Setiap kali aku termimpi, sering menggontai celaru.

#58

"Hey, August moon, where are the stars of the night?"

#57

I like to re-read old conversations.

And then dwell in a sadness that I can't quite understand. Maybe the fact that people that I know change over the time. People just grow, don't they? And most of the time, those who once were in their life, didn't really matter anymore when they meet new ones.

Kind of funny too.

#56

Kau tak guna.

#55

Aku tak tahu kenapa aku attached pada kau. Aku tak tahu perasaan apa yang aku rasa, tetapi aku suka.

Tetapi mungkin kau rasa sebaliknya.

#54: 2:15

"You've changed 
That sparkle in your eyes has gone 
Your smile is just a careless yawn 
You're breaking my heart, you've changed 

You've changed 
Your kisses are now so blase 
You're bored with me in every way 
I can't understand you've changed 

You've forgotten the word i love you 
Each memory that we've shared 
You ignored every star above you 
I can't realise if you ever cared 

You've changed 
You're not the angel i once knew 
No need to tell me that we're through 
It's all over now, you've changed"

- George Michael

#53

"Awak, apa yang awak suka tentang saya? You know if you talk about my appearances, semua tu akan hilang bila I'm old and fat, kan? Kalau sebab duit, bila saya tak berharta will you leave me then? Kalau sebab I baik, sometimes I can be bad and annoying, I sometimes upset you jugak."

Dia hirup air teh yang sudah lama terhidang depannya, masih suam. Dia menarik nafas panjang sebelum mula bicara.

#52

Maybe I should shut my fucking mouth for good because it always lead me to fucking up at things. I need to learn when to speak and when to just fucking be quiet.

#51

To call you my sun,
Is unfair.
To call you my moon,
Is unfair.

Because when the night comes, the sun goes away. And when the day comes, the moon and stars go away. I want you to stay, not to stray.

You are the horizon, you appear in both dimensions. Light me up when the sky is blue, and shimmers in the night when I'm with my thoughts of you.

Idk whut im talking 'bout

#50

If my sins turn into water, I'd be drown in an ocean of my own. But instead I'm stuck in this sticky feeling of being covered with muddy filth all over my soul. And I'm sure that this mud is pitch black, like a tar.

I'm suffocating and gasping for air that I want to get washed up to the shore, trying to stand in the light of the sun remembering the supreme that reign over the entire creations.

I am disgusted that I think too worldly, I live too worldly. As if I'm abandoning the hereafter.

I'm not. I'm lost. And I want to find the light again.

Wash me up to the shore so I can stand again and make good out of this life. I'm tired of being like this.

#49

I must be an asshole, for not being there. Fucking pathetic.